5 Ways to Approach a Girl if You're Shy and Don't Know What to Say

How to tell if a girl likes you: 21 clear signs she’s into you!

Wondering whether a girl likes you or not?

I feel your pain. I’ve never been able to understand what’s going on a female’s head, especially if I’m smitten.

But thanks to research on women psychology, I’ve come to realize that it’s not as complex as we might think.

How to tell if a girl likes you: 21 clear signs she’s into you!

The trick is knowing what signs to look for (while also keeping in mind context).

So in this article, I’m going to talk about every sign that I’ve found in my research.

Check them out and let me know what you think in the comments.

1. She looks at you

how to tell a girl likes you

You can tell a lot about how often a person looks at you. Nothing screams “I’m interested” more than constant eye contact.

According to ex FBI behavioral analyst Jack Schafer:

“People look at people they like and avoid looking at people they don’t like.”

Fairly obvious, right?

If she can’t keep her eyes off you, then surely she’s intrigued by you for some reason.

But a common theme throughout this article is going to be context.

So here’s what to keep in mind:

– If she maintains eye contact with you when you look at her, she’s most likely interested. She’s probably fairly forward and confident as well.

– If her eyes wander to your mouth, she is definitely into you.

– If you catch her looking and she looks away quickly, she might be into you but is shy about it. You might want to approach her if you see her do this.

– On the other hand, if she breaks eye contact with you and continues scanning the room, that may not be a good sign.

– A huge sign that she likes you is if you’re in a group, she says something and looks to you first for your reaction.

It’s as simple as that. If a girl does her best to avoid eye contact with you, she’s probably not interested.

The fact is, when someone is attracted to you, they’ll keep looking at you—consciously or subconsciously. They can’t help it.

Schafer explains:

“The neurochemical oxytocin may be responsible for increased eye contact. Elevated oxytocin levels increase mutual eye gaze and provide a sense of well-being, which increases mutual attraction. ”

Which only goes to show, keep looking at her in the eyes if you want to keep her interested. Texting or chatting with her online is not the same, especially if you want it to develop from more than a crush.

Psychologist Dr. Suzana Flores advises:

“When someone is in love with you, they will stare at your eyes more directly and for a longer period of time; they want to be completely present with you. This is why it’s so important to interact with a love interest in person versus just through digital connection—we need to connect emotionally through eye contact.”

2. She “mirrors” you

how to tell a girl likes you

Do you feel like she’s copying your mannerisms? The slang you use? The pace at which you talk?

If so, then she definitely likes you.

Expert consensus suggests “mirroring” is a major sign someone likes you.

One study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin proves that subtle “behavioral mimicry” indicates attraction.

Jane McGonigal, researcher and author of The New York Times bestseller Reality Is Broken, mirroring calls mirroring a “love detector.”

She explains:

“Every day, we are constantly mirroring—with our facial expressions, with our body language, even with our breathing and heart rates—people who we like.

“And the more that we feel like we really understand somebody, we’re really connecting with them, we really really clicking with them, the more likely we are to physically mirror what they’re doing.”

So keep an eye out for this when you’re in conversation with her. For example, if you like to move your hands a lot when you talk and suddenly she is doing the same, then that’s a clear sign of rapport and perhaps physical attraction.

Another easy thing to look out for is she uses the same slang or words as you do, or if she is matching the speed you talk.

If your energy is up and you’re excited and then she’s suddenly the same, rapport and attraction is likely high.

3. She maintains regular contact with you

how to tell a girl likes you

Radio silence is a huge red flag.

When someone likes you, they’ll be interested in getting to know you better. They have to maintain communication with you to do that.

Relationship expert Dresean Ryan says:

“Believe it or not, something as simple as a ‘good morning’ text can show someone has deep feelings for you.”

Does she reply to your messages as soon as she can? More so, does she instigate conversation herself?

This is especially the case when it comes to social media and messaging apps. We’re not as embarrassed online and we tend to be more forward, so if they’re engaging with you on social media (even simple “likes” on your photos) then that’s a good sign that they like you.

You can also gauge a lot from the way that she is messaging you. For example, is she just giving you one-word answers that don’t require much effort? Or is she responding to you with thoughtful answers that require more cognitive effort?

If she constantly engages with you with thoughtful answers, she is certainly interested in you.

4. She touches you

how to tell a girl likes you

Linking her arms to yours, lightly touching your leg when sitting, or even quickly touching your hair—these are really good signs she’s comfortable with you.

It’s also a signal that she is physically attracted to you.

Small, non-sexual touches indicate attraction, according to sex educator and relationship expert Bethany Ricciardi.

She says:

“Are their feet facing you while you talk, are they standing up straight and making eye contact? If so, they’re drawn to you.”

It is also particularly encouraging if she doesn’t shirk away from your touch.

According to relationship development expert AJ Harbinger:

“Touch is one of the biggest mutual attraction signs going. If you touch her, you’re showing interest. If she likes being touched by you, she’s attracted to you.

“Note that this applies to even “accidental” touch. If you’re walking next to her and you bump into her a little bit and she starts walking closer to you, that’s a sign of attraction.”

This is a fairly easy one to test out. All you have to do is lightly touch her arm and then watch how she responds.

If she seems comfortable with your light touch and even moves her body towards you, then thats obviously a great sign that she likes you.

On the other hand, if she seems creeped out and instantly moves away, that’s not a good sign.

Of course, if she is initiating touch with you, that’s a fantastic sign. It’s common knowledge that people touch who they like. It means she’s comfortable with you and the rapport is high.

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According to behavior analyst Jack Schafer, “women may lightly touch the arm of the person they are talking to. This light touch is not an invitation to a sexual encounter; it merely indicates she likes you.”

5. She seems fidgety

how to tell a girl likes you

You’ll know she likes you if she acts a little bit nervous and awkward around you.

A sure sign is also if fidgets with something while she’s talking to you.

According to marriage and relationships therapist Dr. Nikki Martinez:

“Women do some intentional and unintentional things when they are interested in someone. Some of these signs could be blushing, hair tossing, lip biting or licking, hand wringing, and a decrease of physical space boundaries.

“Many times they are not even aware they are doing them, and that might be the best sign of all, as they cannot help themselves around you.”

Try to notice if she does these subtle things when you’re together.

Blushing is another great sign that she likes you.

Blushing is when she will develop a pink tinge in the face from embarrassment or shame.

There’s an easy way to test this out. Give her an unexpected compliment and see how she reacts.

If seems a little embarrassed, unsure of how to act and her face appears a little red, then she probably likes you.

However, some girls blush quite easily. So you’ll want to get a baseline of how she acts around other people before you assume her blushing is unique towards you.

6. She has an “open” body language and “catwalk posture”

how to tell a girl likes you

Another body language sign she’s into you is when she deliberately “positions” herself towards you.

Does her body point in your direction when you’re across the room? Where do her feet point?

Meanwhile, if she has her arms crossed and her upper body positioned away from you, it’s a tell-tale sign she’s not interested.

According to clinical sexologist and author Dr. Dawn Michael:

“When a woman is intrigued by you, her body will let you know – and not how you think. She will posture her body in a way that is facing you in an open position, uncross her arms, switch her legs if they are crossed, and turn in your direction.”

Also, in order to impress you (if she likes you of course), she may stand taller, puller her stomach in and her shoulder’s back. This is what I like to call “the catwalk posture”.

If she likes you, when she walks past you, she will pull her shoulders back and accentuate her hips just like a model would.

She might not even know she is doing this, but subconsciously she wants to impress you, and a great, proud posture is a good way to do this. Males do it when we’re around a girl we like.

Here’s an example of how she might walk if she knows you’re looking (this is a little exaggerated of course).

7. She’s nervous around you

how to tell a girl likes you

There’s a difference between “uninterested” and “nervous.”

And a lot of guys don’t know the difference.

When I look back on the girls that I was courting when I was younger, I thought that if they didn’t talk to me a lot, then they simply didn’t like me. Now I realize that many of them may have simply been nervous.

After all, some people tend not to talk much when nervous, right?

On the other hand, some people talk too much. You just need to know which type of person you’re dealing with.

You also need to learn to make them feel comfortable so their nerves dissipate. You can do this by being agreeable, friendly and continuing the conversation in a non-threatening manner.

Anyway, don’t make the same mistakes as me when it comes to working out whether a girl is nervous or not around you.

According to Business Insider, there are 7 body-language clues that tell that someone is nervous which will help you out.

  1. Face touching – it’s a means of pacifying. When you put pressure on your body part, it’s the brain’s way of being “soothed.”
  2. Blinking frequently – according to research, blinking your eyes frequently occurs either when you’re nervous or lying.
  3. Lips compression – compressed lips may mean psychological distress, which can occur when someone feels nervous or under pressure.
  4. Hair playing – a “pacifying” action that soothes anxiety.
  5. Hand contortion – interlacing fingers, squeezing hands together, cracking knuckles indicate nervousness.
  6. Rubbing hands – another display of nerves is when someone rubs the skin of their hands together.
  7. Yawning – this might be tricky, as it can mean boredom or nervousness. However, research indicates that yawning helps regulate body temperature by bringing cool air into the nose and mouth.

8. She asks you a lot of questions

how to tell a girl likes you

Is she interested to know everything about you?

From superficial details like your favorite ice cream flavor to deep, intimate questions about your life—if she likes you, she’ll ask a lot of questions.

It’s also proof that she wants you to open up and let her in.

The fact she is making such an effort in the conversation should make the conversation flow fairly easily as well.

I’m guessing that if you like her, you’ll be making an effort as well.

Now a quick giveaway to see if she is making an effort is to see if she asks a question when there is a hint of awkward silence.

This shows that she wants to keep the conversation going and, most importantly, develop a rapport with you.

When two people are making an effort in the conversation, asking engaging questions and actually listening, then the rapport and chemistry will be high.

In the same vein, she may also start revealing personal details about her life to you. She obviously trusts you if she is doing this, and that’s a great sign that she likes you.

According to University of Dayton psychology professor R. Matthew Montoya:

“When we like someone, we act in ways to get them to trust us. From this perspective, we engage in these behaviors to increase the degree of overlap, interdependence, and commitment to an agreement.”

On the other hand, if all she doesn’t seem to really care if there are awkward silences or not and appears like she just doesn’t have much invested in the conversation, then it’s likely she isn’t attracted to you.

9. She allows you in her personal space

how to tell a girl likes you

Everyone values their personal space.

Many people don’t let someone they don’t like inside their personal space. Some even go out of their way to create boundaries.

But if a girl allows you into her physical or non-physical “space,” then she definitely likes you.

Dr. Martinez explains:

“While we each have different personal space boundaries, when someone is inside what most of us would consider our bubble, we may want to take notice that this person wants our attention and wants to be near us.”

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This one is fairly easy to notice. All you have to do is get close to her and see how she reacts. If she is comfortable with it, and even initiates it, then clearly the rapport between the two of you is high.

One thing to keep in mind is that this means she is comfortable with you. Now if you have known her for a while, then she may be comfortable with you because you are a good friend.

Therefore, she may like you as a friend, rather than as a romantic interest.

On the other hand, if you haven’t known her for very long, and she is comfortable with getting close to you, then there’s more chance that she is attracted to you.

10. She makes plans with you

how to tell a girl likes you

If she doesn’t like you, she will make you think she’s very busy and cannot be disturbed. But if she likes you, she will tell you a definite date or time to meet you again.

According to Harbinger:

“Are you dating a woman who makes plans for you? If so, this is a very clear sign of attraction. She’s not going to wait for you to call her up. She’s so attracted to you that she’s going to make plans and hope you go along. Once she starts calling you to hang out or go on dates, you can rest assured that she’s definitely into you.”

If she likes you, then, of course, she will want to spend more time with you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that she will say “yes” to any date you want to organize. We all have busy lives.

However, she’ll probably try to organize a time that suits her.

Some girls don’t want to meet after work because they’ll “look tired”. But she will try to meet you sometime at the weekend where she can make herself look pretty for you.

Also, if you have only met her once, or it’s an early stage in the relationship, she won’t say yes to every single one of your advances.

After all, she doesn’t want to appear needy. Females are, in general, more socially intelligent than us males. The last thing they will want to be seen as is “easy” or “needy”.

And of course, if she is initiating a date with you, then she is being pretty direct that she likes you.

11. Her friends know about you

how to tell a girl likes you

If a girl likes you, her friends will know. Women tell their girlfriends everything.

So if she introduces you to her friends, it’s a sign she sees a future with you. She’ll also ask their approval.

According to relationship expert and author April Masini:

“Even if they haven’t said, ‘I love you’ yet, wanting to show you off and to get approval from parents (no matter how old a partner is), means that they care for you enough to see a future with you.”

If you’re lucky enough to get introduced, you should also observe the way they act around you. If they deliberately encourage you or give you time to be alone with her, then they not only like you, but they also know she likes you.

They may also laugh with each other or whisper when you’ are around.

Her friends may also try to get to know to you with personal questions to make sure you’re a good guy. After all, they’re looking to protect their friend.

12. She laughs and smiles with you

how to tell a girl likes you

Here’s another sure-fire way to know if a girl likes you.

Tell her your corniest joke, and her reaction will be your answer.

According to human behavior and attraction expert Norman Li:

“There’s an easy way to find out… try to make them laugh. If the laughter comes easy, the answer is likely yes. If it doesn’t, the answer is likely no.”

Humor is a huge indicator of a positive relationship with someone. If she engages in smiles, humorous and playful banter, then she is definitely interested in you.

Li explains:

“You are more likely to be interested in some kind of relationship with a person if you initiate any kind of humor towards them. If the other person is also interested, they should be more likely to perceive you as humorous and respond favorably (laugh), even if you’re objectively not all that funny.”

Furthermore, if you’re in a group, and she tells a joke or a story and then looks to you first for your reaction, then that’s an excellent sign she is looking for your approval and she is attracted to you.

13. She blushes

how to tell a girl likes you

We’ve mentioned this one above, but it’s worth mentioning again in more detail as it is such a big sign that a girl likes you.

According to Mind Valley, there are three reasons why people blush when they’re with someone they’re attracted to:

  • Admiration
  • Eagerness
  • Anxiety

There’s a host of psychological reasons why girls blush, but ultimately, it’s a response to being “exposed.”

Clinical psychologist Mary C. Lamia explains:

“Blushing occurs in situations that you perceive as involving a social transgression; however, it can happen in an exciting situation as well, such as in the self-consciousness of being physically attracted to another person.

“Such ‘exposure experiences’ cause you to blush because they activate feelings of shame—you think of yourself as ‘caught’ in the eyes of others, and you may feel as though you are inadequate, lacking, or vulnerable in terms of any number of important attributes.”

If she blushes, it’s because she might be a little embarrassed, but it’s only because she wants you to like her, too.

14. Her voice changes

how to tell a girl likes you

You can also tell a lot from a woman’s voice.

In fact, research shows that changes in pitch and tone are a natural act of human courtship.

2014 study found that vocal modulation can increase proceptivity between couples during the early stages of dating.

The researchers wrote:

“Our results suggest that modulating F0 may be a critical parameter in human courtship, independently of semantic content.”

If her voice becomes softer and huskier, it may be a sign that she has feelings for you.

(The Obsession Method is an evidence-based, practical book that unravels female psyschology for single men. Check out Hack Spirit’s comprehensive The Obsession Method review here).

15. She glows

how to tell a girl likes you

Yes, that’s right.

When a girl is with someone she likes, she literally glows.

People look happier and healthier when they’re in love. That’s because our body reacts well to the love chemicals we acquire when we feel that attraction.

Oxytocin is not called the “love hormone for nothing. When we have it in our system, blood flow is increased. Once it starts flowing, nutrients also flow, which add to that “glowing” appearance.

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According to life coach and body language expert Tiffany Toombs:

“When we like someone our pores open, allowing more oil secretion and our skin gets shinier.”

Furthermore, her pupils will dilate if she likes you.

Research from the University of Kent found that eye dilation happens when you’re looking at someone or something you’re attracted to.

This is a great one to notice because it’s clearly something we can’t control. The eyes really can give her away.

Make sure you check their pupils in constant, standard level of light to figure out if they’re bigger than average.

16. She uses the “we” word

how to tell a girl likes you

Never underestimate the power of the “we” word. It means a lot.

According to Dr. Martinez:

“A woman may speak several times using ‘we.’ Things ‘we should do.’ How much ‘we’ are alike. How ‘we’ have a lot in common or have the same sense of humour.

“This is a subtle way of letting you know that she would like there to be a ‘we.’”

If she likes to talk about the two of you in the “we” form, then it’s a sign she thinks about you as one unit, rather than think of you as a stranger.

You won’t really get a better signal than this, but it’s one that can go past some guy’s heads, so make sure you’re paying attention the words she’s using.

17. She’s awkward around you

how to tell a girl likes you

Yes, it’s counterintuitive, but it’s the way it goes.

When you like someone, somehow, you just become an awkward mess around them. This a lot to do with the nerves and the need to impress someone they like.

According to popular dating expert Matthew Hussey:

“It’s school playground stuff. The boy or girl is going to act strangely around the person they like. As soon as we like someone, it tends to be that our charisma and our wit and our fun, casual nature goes out the window — and this new, strange, awkward fumbling person shows up.”

It can go both ways—she becomes extremely shy or too energetic. Either way, it could be a sign she’s really into you.

If she’s an introvert, she’ll likely become shy and less talkative, whereas if she’s an extrovert, she may talk more quickly, talk more and be excited.

After a while, she’ll become comfortable with you and you’ll be able to read into the other indicators I’ve mentioned in this list.

18. She’s acting contradictory

how to tell a girl likes you

It might be a little confusing, but if she’s especially a shy girl, or she has an intense crush on you, she can act in a rather contradictive manner.

Hussey adds:

“If they’re telling a story to a group, and you’re in that group, very often if they like you, you’re the person they won’t make eye contact with. he person we feel most nervous with is the person who we avoid direct communication with.”

But there’s one way to tell that she likes you, anyway:

She likes to be near you.

Hussey explains:

“You’ll find that you become a center of gravity for that person. They’ll find a way to get closer to you, even if they haven’t quite gotten the courage to say something.”

Actions speak louder than words, right?

19. She often agrees with you

Who likes to spend time with someone completely different from you?

The ‘Similarity Principle’ indicates that people like to be surrounded by people who share the same interests as them.

The similarity-attraction effect indicates that people are attracted to someone who is like them when it comes to interests, tastes, belief, etc.

It is definitely a good sign if she agrees with a lot of things you have to say, especially on important subjects. If she is always arguing with you, especially during the first few meetings, it might be difficult for you two to develop anything deeper.

20. She eats less in front of you

how to tell a girl likes you

Women eat less in front of someone they’re attracted to.

According to a Canadian study, women eat less around men than they do when they’re with women.

In fact, the study also claims that men are “negative predictors,” which means that the more times a woman ate food with men, the less she ate.

As to why, Meredith Young, the study’s lead researcher says:

“When it is a date situation, that’s when we see a big difference. You can be judged more or less attractive, more or less feminine, more or less desirable depending on what you eat.”

It’s not her fault. And you should encourage her to be more comfortable around you. However, it’s still a sign she likes you.

21) Some girls will be indecisive

This isn’t necessarily a sign that someone likes you, but I think it’s incredibly important to realize that some girls will be indecisive about whether they like you or not.

These girls will treat you like a king one day, showing all the signs we’ve mentioned in this list, then the next day they won’t show any signs and they might even ignore you.


It could mean one of two things:

1) She’s trying to manipulate and take advantage of you. Maybe she is trying to make someone else jealous or perhaps she wants you to do something for her.

2) Or, she could simply be indecisive and doesn’ really know want she wants.

Either way, it’s important to realize when a girl is being inconsistent in her behavior because she may not truly like you, or even worse, she may be out to use you.

It’s best to give someone like this their space and move on.

In conclusion…

You can discover a lot by observing a girl’s body language.

According to Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral investigator and bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People:

“Body language is an essential ingredient of attraction. When we talk about love, dating, and romance, body language plays a big role.”

Look at how a girl acts around you to tell if she’s attracted to you. And if you realize that she is, use open body language to let her know you’re interested, too.

Van Edwards explains:

“Both males and females find people with available body language the most attractive. Available body language is smiling, uncrossed arms, uncrossed legs and upward gazing (not looking down at shoes or phones).”

Take note, however:

If you really want to be sure, just ask her.

It’s the best, uncomplicated way to definitely know whether your pursuits will go anywhere. It will also take less time and effort on your part.

After all, life is a risk. Better to follow the same advice when it comes to love.